is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm passing your future prison.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're too hungover to prance.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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