He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
