She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
