TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
