So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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