This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
