so that wasnt chicken after all
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
