Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
im on a boat
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