I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
