Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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