It's like God shit irony all over that family
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
