Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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