And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
