Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize