if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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