If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
