When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize