I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
