mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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