she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
