I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
