i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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