saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
