You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
