nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I had to cum in my sink.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
