sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
