he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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