I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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