I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
