that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
