I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
