I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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