My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
