My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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