I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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