I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize