Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
