You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
