dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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