it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
