remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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