ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
