How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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