"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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