Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize