This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
