Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
