i need an iv and a liver transplant
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
