i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
