so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
