Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
