I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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