you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
