When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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