from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
