i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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