Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
