I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize