Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
