Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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