im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
