I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
