Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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