He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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