When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
